I may have written about this before, I’m not sure…but we are in a season where our prayers will really make the difference between life and death. Where we will see great things in answer to our prayers. If you don’t have regular time away with the Lord, now is the time. Don’t wait. You just don’t know what tomorrow will bring.
I love to pray. I love to pray because of what I hear, not necessarily what I have to say…although I usually have a lot to say and have grown confident over the years that the Lord really does want to hear my thoughts and really does respond to them so I usually can’t wait to give my concerns to him each day and ask him what he is going to do about them! Many times I have no idea what to pray before I begin. Many times I begin with the Lord, hopelessly carnal or selfish in my thoughts and then as I yield to the Holy Spirit, I become aware of what he is saying and moved and changed by his perspective and begin to see things differently.
I became a Christian in the 80’s, but didn’t discover how personal the Lord is until 1994 when I was in my third pregnancy and decided I needed daily exercise. For a year I incorporated walking the Fort Knox housing area at night with my quiet time with the Lord. My husband would use this time to love on our kids…putting them to bed and I would spend 45-60 minutes alone with the Lord praying, walking, and before too long…listening, praising, and just enjoying his presence.
As I look back, this was the time when my life changed. This is when I began to hear from the Lord and see things that I never saw before. I would experience burdens for people I would read or hear about in the news. Sometimes these burdens would come with groanings and tears that I had no words for. Then as quickly as they would come, they would leave and I would know it was God.
It was during this time when I miscarried our third child. As tragic as loss of this kind is, it was cushioned with special comfort the Lord gave to me as I was able to receive his thoughts and see things through his eyes and feel his presence. What a comfort he was. It was during this time that the Lord began to speak to my heart about giving my family to him. He made me aware that I couldn’t grow in faith or in my relationship with him until I gave my family to him in my heart. I was holding on to some fears of losing them that was keeping me from a deeper relationship with him because I wasn’t trusting him. After battling with this concept of letting go for a few days, I did and gave them and their futures to him.
Four years later, my husband died in a helicopter crash. Abruptly removed from our lives. My children were very small. My fourth and youngest was born that year, three months before he died.
I know the Lord called to me in 1994 for a deeper walk with him because of the circumstances that lied ahead. He was preparing me for something that wouldn’t make sense to the natural mind. Humanly speaking, it doesn’t make sense for a woman to raise kids by herself. But we all face situations that don’t make sense and we have to walk forward anyway either with him or without him. I wouldn’t have made it these years without that personal relationship with God born from prayer. The knowledge that he is there and cares has caused me to stop and listen for his voice, and has sustained me through many trials. Even so, I feel like I’ve made it through the past 12 years with fire singed hair and clothes….I haven’t always availed myself of the privileges of my inheritance…haven’t always trusted him perfectly, and have learned the hard way that self sufficiency really sucks in light of the wealth of wisdom and strength that is available to those that are his. But I have made it…and with each day I grow stronger in faith having learned and learning still that there is no place like home….home being where he is every moment of the night and day. I desire nothing more.