It’s funny how we learn things without realizing we have learned it — like patterns of behavior, for instance. When I was a kid my dad moved around a lot with his job. He went to seminary when I was 6 and then, from the year I was 9 until I left home for college at 18, we never lived in one place longer than 3 years. He was a pastor who was good at helping troubled churches and became bored when everything was going smoothly — so we moved a lot!
I didn’t consciously realize it, but somewhere along the way, I began to protect myself from the pain of losing friends by not allowing many people to get close to me and, when someone did become a close friend, I cut them off quickly when we moved. I separated myself from them emotionally and never contacted them again. I did not make a conscious decision about this, but, in self-protection, I adopted this pattern of behavior.
In 2000, Michael and I moved away from Fuquay Varina where I had lived for over 20 years (it was his home town). I had many deep friendships there, some with women who had grown up in the Lord together with me. But when we decided to move, I fell back into that old pattern of behavior I had learned in my childhood. I shut down towards my friends, and after we moved I did not write or call or visit or try to continue those old friendships. I didn’t make a conscious decision to do this, but I just fell into it. I was miserable in my new town, lonely and depressed, but trying to throw myself into the new work and into making new relationships in the new place. I missed my old friends terribly but felt it was somehow my duty to not look back but to press into the new thing God had for me.
One day, one of those old friends from Fuquay Varina drove down to see me and confronted me (lovingly but truthfully). “Why are you cutting me off?” she asked. “From the time you knew you were moving you began to shut me out of your life. At first I thought you were mad at me, but then I realized you were doing it to everyone. What’s going on?”
How I praise God for that friend! We prayed together and God showed me that old behavior pattern I had adopted as a child. He convicted me of having an area of my life that was not entrusted to Him. In the area of friendships, I was trying to protect myself instead of trusting Him. I repented, and He faithfully gave me grace to stop the old pattern. Today I have renewed those old friendships in Fuquay Varina and continue to have contact with those women and they are a great joy in my life. In addition, I have been able to make new and lasting friendships here in my new home, and I am so grateful to be set free in this area of my life!
Yesterday a young woman called me to ask for prayer. A very close friend of hers was moving away in a few weeks and she found herself shutting down emotionally toward the friend. She thought she had a “bad attitude” and had been repenting for being resentful and offended at her friend and at God for separating the two of them. But the repentance was not working. She continued to be unable to stay emotionally connected to her dear friend.
As we prayed together, the Lord reminded me of my own old behavior pattern so I shared that experience with her. It turns out that she was an “army brat” and grew up as I did — moving a LOT. The Holy Spirit convicted her that she was like I had been, stuck in a stronghold of self-protection. When her friend decided to move she fell back into the old behavior pattern of her childhood and shut down toward her friend. She prayed with me over the phone, repenting of her self-protection and choosing to entrust that area of her life to Jesus. The whole conversation did not last more than 10 minutes, but she was set free to be a friend.
I just got a phone call from her. She has called her friend and shared with her what happened on the phone, and their friendship is once again on a solid footing. She is finding a new freedom in her life, as I have, in the area of friendships. Praise God for the deliverance He brings from destructive behavior patterns that steal our joy!
So here is another principle of the Kingdom of God floating to the surface of my life: when you get healed of something, you turn around and there is someone needing to experience the same thing! “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any afflictions with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4. Praise God for the good behavior patterns we learn from the Holy Spirit!
Gloria
This entry was posted on Friday, June 5th, 2009 at 9:46 am and is filed under Life. You can leave a comment and follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.